Constellation Games microblog archive

Constellation Games is a serial novel about space aliens and video games and love and programming. As the initial serialization unfolded, two of the main characters, Ariel Blum and Tetsuo Milk, kept Twitter feeds describing their increasingly bizarre lives. Since readable archives are not Twitter's forte, the collected tweets have been archived here. Dates in this archive are the dates used within the story, not dates from real life. Click a chapter name to see that chapter in the episode guide.

Chapter 1: Terrain Deformation

May 30

• "[CRASH] after winning a race for the 32nd time" Please tell me you didn't find that in normal play. #brillhantesbugs
• Who's worse off, the person who finds these bugs or the person who has to fix them? I get paid a little more.
• .@OMJennyG: Thanks for asking. She was typing on her phone all evening, and she wasn't even typing about me. Not even a date, technically.
• I should write my own popular livestream client. "That program you're using to ignore me? I wrote that!" #iwin #somehow
• .@Bai_8D It's a public profile, so be my guest. Take a look and see what you can do.
• .@Bai_8D Right now it says "Hi, I'm Ariel! I write pony games! Tee-hee! (PS I'm a dude)"

May 31

• Okay, you got me. Why is there breaking news from the fucking moon?
• RT @NASA_GBLO Join us in ten minutes for a live chat about the ongoing lunar quakes.
• What do these guys know, they've never even been to the moon! I get all my news direct from ILN Node 1.
• Shut my mouth. RT @ILN1_NASA @ArielBlum, my seismometer is too sensitive to see big quakes. Listen to @NASA_GBLO; they have lasers.
• Man, if the Soviet Union hadn't collapsed, there'd still be someone up there keeping an eye on things. #yaycapitalism
• CNN has bought out Lunar Dynamics comsat, airing exclusive low-res photos of NOTHING HAPPENING.
• Is there a matter plume or not? It's the g-ddamn moon, people. It's not *that* far away. "That side of the moon is dark", boo hoo.
• If only I had some work to lose myself in--oh hey, a pony game with bugs in it!
• "Ponies cannot have same name, even on import" Ever go to the track, dude? Can't bet on the ponies if they all have the same name. #notabug
• My pony Max Ernst just won the 100 meter dash in Pôneis Brilhantes 5!
• "Achievements not broadcast through social gateway" Shouldn'ta named your pony "Fuckhead", fuckhead. #notabug #contentfilter
• Now disabling Twitter on all my test phones because of the notification flood re: matter plume.
• .@OMJennyG I named all my test ponies after famous artists. Including you! #dontkillme
• Sometimes the very existence of a computer program constitutes a bug. #deep #tweetsthatgetyoufired
• "[R116] Ponies transfered via wifi are duplicated." #notabug, just compensation for having a crappy R116. #actuallyabug #yourphonestillsucks
• Against own better judgement, tuning in to omnibus space-agency press conference.
• We shouldn't have sent that one plucky self-replicating robot to the moon.
• Summary of press conference: nobody knows what's going on, can't see shit through the dust+dark, radar imagery tomorrow.
• Here's a theory: Russians never left Glavnaya, have been digging tunnels this whole time, finally caused a cave-in. @Engineer_Evgeny
• Here's another theory: FUCKING SPACE ALIENS ARE MINING OUT THE MOON WHERE WE CAN'T SEE. @EveryoneElse
• "[ES] Male ponies use female voice clips" #notmybug Wait, ponies have gender?

June 1

• Done with Brilhantes 5, put up Caveman Chaos review in honor of moonquakes.
• Good day's work! Now to get a couple nightmares in.
• .@Bai_8D Thanks for the rewrite, but I forgot to mention that I want to meet actual women, not reality TV show characters.
• .@Bai_8D Eg. yes, I do have abs, or I couldn't get out of chairs. But it's standard equipment. Not worth mentioning in the profile.
• .@OMJennyG "has own penis"
• Aaand... that's a matter plume. I'm just gonna call it now: we're fucked.
• Not enough that Earth is falling apart, now the moon wants in on the action.
• Nice sharing a planet with all you assholes.
• At times like this I regret not having had more meaningless sex. And by "times like this" I mean "weekdays".
• Erupted matter coalescing in lunar orbit? Does that happen often? I know you're scientists, but could you monger a _little_ fear?
• Radar imagery shows a square hole in the moon. Nothing square should be on the moon unless we put it there. Law of the moon!
• Good thing I already stockpiled canned food, and can openers, and can opener repair kits. #beprepared
• .@OMJennyG Good call. I'm also out of paper towels. Bring some over with the booze and we'll bunker down.
• .@OMJennyG We'll be free riders. Every other Texan will just assume we have guns.
• argh "[CRASH] [Ameo] receiving pony when memory is full" #brillhantesbug #justshipit

June 2

• HOLY SHIT
• RT That's no moon, it's a space station! (might as well start this one off as a RT)
• @Engineer_Evgeny That's not yours, is it?
• Yes, TV crackpot, the moon has been inhabited this whole time and the inhabitants just now decided to build a FUCKING SPACE STATION.
• How did people with stupid ideas get an audience before TV? The Proceedings of the Royal Society?
• .@OMJennyG I did turn the TV off but it turned itself back on. #hopeshebuysit
• @Engineer_Evgeny Not ours either, unless it came forward in time from the 1960s. #hopehebuysit
• Turns out if you don't know anything, you can be on TV *and* have a nice job as an Air Force public affairs officer!
• Fools! This is just a distraction! the surprise attack will come from Venus!
• Fun fact, @RepMarksOhio: we have no visibility into the situation because you gutted NASA's funding to pay for a fighter that doesn't work.

June 3

• AKA "GRAIL-2 data totally ruined" RT @NASA_GRAIL GRAIL-2 detects rapidly shifting gravitational field. http://usa.usa/uGXkp
• How can the press misinterpret your findings if you only provide the raw data? Wait, that's actually genius.
• Let's check back in with that dust cloud, Bob. Still nothing? Well, in news of celebrity panty shots...
• Whoa, CNN's rent-a-satellite pushed into a higher orbit by unknown forces. At this point I don't even care anymore, that's just funny.
• Brillhantes 5 finally goes gold! Well, maybe antimony. On to the next humiliating project.
• .@Bai_8D No, if bronies played the Brillhantes series I'd have some street cred.
• Did lights just go on in the space station? BBC says yes, CNN says waaah our satellite, WBN says ARE LIBERALS TO BLAME?
• Confirmed: the space station has power. The cable company will send someone over in three weeks, maybe.
• I really hope this is just the leadup to a surprise birthday party.

June 4

• Another day combining terror and boredom. Is this what it's like to feel alive?
• .@OMJennyG Generally speaking, pictures of alien spacecraft are actually blurry pictures of something else. But here, who knows?
• Space station "significantly smaller than Ceres". Set those expectations low, guys!
• .@Bai_8D Welp, I got a date for Saturday. I was skeptical to the max, but your makeover worked.
• @OMJennyG If she turns out to be a brosephine, there's a simple solution: kill Bai.
• Matter plume has stopped. I guess they're done building. Dust cloud is still there.

June 5

• Well, nobody saw this coming.
• Holy shit, how many languages does this Charlene Siph person speak?
• Holy shit in general.
• .@Bai_8D Such a relief we're not going to die. Now we don't have to confess our secret love for one another.
• Maybe I should stop trying to squeeze my emotions into 140-character chunks for a while.
• Aaand... there's porn of Charlene Siph. Timestamp on the post is 4 minutes after contact. Humanity can be proud this day.
• Going back to sleep. Back to bed, anyway.
• Wasn't able to sleep, so in theory this could still be a dream.
• 11-year-old me is sad that Ring City is not where Sonic lives.
• Got breath mints, finally allowed to talk about space aliens to normal people... this date can't fail!

Chapter 2: Corner Pieces

June 6

• Spoiler alert: the date failed. Not @Bai_8D's fault.
• I wish I knew how exactly much drinking would make me an alchoholic, so I could drink 75% that amount and save 24% for special occasions.
• .@Bai_8D a) Your date-rating scale gamifies sexuality, and thus, trivializes it. b) Extrapolating backwards, it was a -2.
• Why do these scientists get to go to the space station and I don't? #answeredmyownquestion
• I think the plan is that the scientists cancel out the politicians, and the camera crews break the tie in favor of humanity being good.

June 7

• I sure hope the Constellation doesn't find the flask we hid under the moon plaque.
• .@OMJennyG Or Apollo 15's copy of Aqualung, *on vinyl*. That shit is 70s gold!
• .@OMJennyG That's where Nixon hid the missing 18.5 minutes of tape.
• .@OMJennyG Disco spores, dormant for forty years, waiting to be revived! #dun #dun #dun
• The only minigame I can come up with for this gesture is "you've been arrested and the cops are taking your prints".

June 8

• This footage is heartwrenching. Old tough-as-nails cosmonauts back in the Glavanya moon base, bawling their eyes out.
• Armstrong and Aldrin are walking on the moon. Again.
• Writing application to get matched with a Constellation anthropologist. I mean, writing my Sao Paulo talk.

June 9

• PSA for politicians: you know the queasy feeling you get when you hear Charlene Siph talking about peace? That's how we feel about you.
• Someone should get to work on expanding Unicode.
• .@OMJennyG Can a restaurant kick you out for bringing your own hot sauce? I got five bucks says it won't happen.
• Update: It didn't happen, and I still got five bucks. "It takes two to make a bet," sez Jenny.

June 10

• Hell yeah! See you on the moon, suckers! PS game night is CANCELLED.
• When life gives you lemons, make a shitty Facebook game about selling lemonade.
• Game night is DE-CANCELLED. Tabula Obscura at Jenny's house 7PM.

June 11

• You wouldn't steal a handbag. So why make a new, identical handbag out of matter precursor? #postscarcitypiracy
• Don't copy that sloppy joe! #postscarcitypiracy
• RT @EFF Sign EFF's petition opposing the hasty, ill-conceived CONTACT Act: https://eff.org/r.2Tm
• Let's get ready to rumble! Using the API to your phone's vibrate mode!

June 12

• It's surprisingly difficult to get a full game of Quexx in. You have to clear out the entire Tool ship *and* set up fake radio chatter.
• This minigame has its own embedded mini-minigame!
• I've kind of gotten distracted and gone into replaying Temple Sphere. It's so satisfying to tranq and airlock a Tool warrior-caste.
• Smoke, pls ignore that last tweet.

June 13

• Guy on TV, I suspect the Aliens know more about their sociology than you do. Oh, wait, you're on TV, my mistake.
• Brilhantes 5 *still* not shippable. It's the Full Clip 3D of pony games!
• More like FOAL Clip 3D amirite. (This joke brought to you by me not having a weekend anymore.)

Chapter 3: Rare Drop

June 14

• Saturday: ruined by emergency bug fix. Sunday: ruined by air travel. And we all know how I feel about Mondays!!! #lol
• The TSA is more paranoid than usual and seemingly _afraid_ of something. As though the plane itself might bolt and fly to Ring City.
• In hotel in Sao Paolo. Mixing business and pleasure into a potent cocktail I call "boozeness".
• .@OMJennyG I don't pay hookers, they pay me. To jailbreak their phones.

June 15

• Brazillian breakfast is coffee with more coffee. I asked for cereal, got an americano to pour on it.
• Sadly, I'm one of the best in this business.
• I finally got to talk to Smoke-Cursive, and it bounced me in under a minute. Supposedly that's a good sign. #keeptellingyourselfthat
• Of all the melancholy faces a Russian might make, none is sadder than when they inform you the music you listen to is lame.

June 16

• @Engineer_Evgeny You snore like a mofo.
• @1HourMartin Don't get tattoos you can't read! Did they not show you the orientation video when you joined your frat?
• @1HourMartin Be prepared to return for strategic filling-in once we learn SAME, is all I can say.
• Technically it's "entry foam", since this is its first trip through Earth's atmosphere. #pedantry

June 17

• Looks like my next project will be developing microcontent for the Brilhantes social game. I'll moonlight by dealing smack to schoolkids.
• @1HourMartin Maybe the Constellation can come up with a way to deal with your bullshit.
• .@Bai_8D An argument about which pronoun to use for Inostrantsi is an argument you lose just by having it.

June 18

• OMG I JUST TALKED TO A SPACE ALIEN who wasn't interrogating me.
• .@Bai_8D Thanks for your selfless concern, but I'm gonna go with "her" and avoid the whole issue. #constellationpronouns #selflessconcern
• We have a deal! Curic will find Constellation video games that human hardware can emulate, and I will be an anthropological subject. ^_^
• .@OMJennyG That was me. A Farang emoticon would look more like .%.

June 19

• For some reason, it's kind of hard to concentrate on what's new in rhythm games for mobile phones.
• Oh, you're gonna like this. Curic has sent me a Constellation Database of Electronic Games of a Certain Complexity. #cdboegoacc #comingsoon
• #cdboegoacc has data on millions of games written in Simple Affect Metadata Exchange. (Also the language of @1HourMartin's stupid tattoo.)
• "We'll add to this dataset as we make new discoveries." - #cdboegoacc README. That was 20,000 years ago.

June 20

• Was planning to go out and buy ripoff mate gourds for friends, but will probably investigate #cdboegoacc instead. Sorry, Brazillian economy.
• Due to lightspeed lag, the Constellation thinks SNL is still good. RT @Gawker Charlene Siph to host June 27th "SNL" gawker.com/3479881
• Get your copy of #cdboegoacc! http://torre.nz/29954304

June 21

• We need a port between Sao Paulo and Austin. Air travel is for chumps. Chumps like me.
• "This machine emits a 2Ghz pulse when deactivated, as a warning to others." Wouldn't you?
• The Farang #BrainEmbryo is the best #cdboegoacc bet so far. I've ordered a replica.
• .@OMJennyG @Bai_8D Back in Austin. Burritos?

June 22

• #BrainEmbryo runners-up from #cdboegoacc: We Worked Hard On This Computer is disqualified for whining.
• No, It's Not Compatible is disqualified for not being compatible. #cdboegoacc
• Konahu Device has lots of software but the processor speed is 0.7Hz because it was powered by a pulsar. #cdboegoacc #downlow #tooslow
• The Fact Juicer's "games" are actually sales pitches for mining operations, but c'mon, "Fact Juicer". #cdboegoacc
• The 117-Ipudanud computer is embedded in a heavy artillery piece, which might cause import problems. #cdboegoacc
• #BrainEmbryo is here! And it's impossible to set up.

June 23

• "The data metabolizer metabolizes both input and output." #BrainEmbryo setup instructions
• "Rotational data is metabolized into lateral motion data, passed through a standard motion net, then decoupled using an impossibility logic"
• This is karmic retribution for when I made Dad set up my Genesis.
• Logic probe says the first 60 million years worth of converters are working, 30 million years to go. Oligocene, here I come!
• "Once the Constellation Standard Data Model adapter is in place, you're ready to install the Extended Constellation Data Model Adapter."
• "Split the RF output into a separate pool and strain it through the provided net". Better idea: give up on RF visualization for now.

June 24

• Thanks for nothing, @SureshTheDude. Your boy at the Austin office blew me off like I was selling insurance.
• Game studios fundamentally don't understand how useful #cdboegoacc is. They can make a remake, yet treat it as an original IP!
• Instead of retail therapy, maybe I should try wholesale therapy.
• Took the plunge, filed some paperwork, started a company. Tomorrow I will exchaust my stock of cliches and start doing work.

June 25

• A lot of these #BrainEmbryo games are not very good. "Amass shells until you have enough." Enough for what? UNKNOWN.
• First day of new job and it already sucks. This would go a lot faster if I didn't have to back-and-forth translations with Curic.
• .@OMJennyG Hey, employee, draw a pile of money to make me feel better.
• .@OMJennyG yay
• Sitting in front of flashing lights listening to monotonous static drone, but at least there's no cover charge. #imhereallweek #noreally

June 26

• Well, that was creepy. #bea
• "A vengeance game typical of the period." OK I'll bite, I like vengeance. #vengeance
• Hey @1HourMartin, Curic says your tattoo is SAME instructions for operating an airlock, from the airlock's POV. Have a nice day!
• @1HourMartin "You know what sucks? Dying in space! That's why I don't let you through unless I'm sure you're protected." (cont.)
• @1HourMartin cont. "Thinking of arguing with me? Fuck you! The airlock's decision is final! Reapply your space-ready clothing or exobody!"
• @1HourMartin Yeah, you lucked out with the semi-badass tat. Don't roll those bones again.
• Handle the Real Style: Best #BrainEmbryo game so far, but not really feeling the vengeance.

June 27

• At farmers market, rounding up non-skeevy meat for Sexy Cookout tomorrow.
• Who eats quail sausage? You will, tomorrow.
• Crazy guy downtown still ranting about Greys. He had his chance to be prescient, he blew it, now downgraded back to "crazy". I gave him $5.
• .@OMJennyG Bob's Preprinted Meats. For the best bargains in town, that's Bob's Preprinted Meats.
• Charlene Siph is an interstellar arms dealer on SNL, and she's not doing "self-deprecating politician on SNL". She's really into it. #scary

June 28

• Reminder to jerks: I don't have a secret English #cdboegoacc. I'm getting one-off translations from Curic.
• Flippin' the birds.
• When using my retro game room for drunken, illicit sex, please clean up afterwards. And for G-d's sake wrap your Wiimote. #thismeansyou #bai
• Dear diary, today J pushed me into another decision I was busy waffling on. Her rashness will surely lead to our deaths. Well, time for bed!

June 29

• I'm getting disturbingly good at filling out government paperwork.
• Okay, dev environment, time to amortize a little more of your exorbitant cost.

June 30

• Curic may or may not be visiting Austin at an undisclosed time in the future or past. I've said too much already!
• I seriously need to buy some more weed. What's a good brand that wasn't grown in a lab?
• .@OMJennyG I don't want to give Smox all my personal information. Just tell me what it told you.
• RT @OMJennyG @ArielBlum Lone Star Diesel is potent (and thus, relatively cheap) and locally grown. A++ WOULD GET BAKED OFF ASS AGAIN.

July 1

• Fuckin' background check.
• .@OMJennyG Will Garth Adams sign huge books by other people? Cause I got this graphical algorithms book...

July 2

• End of Events: "As the Entropy Null... you detest the flow of time. Halt it for one day, only to be defeated." Halt time for one day?
• Just got follow-spam for traditional Farang penis enlargement herbs. SCIENCE FACT: Farang don't have penises.

July 3

• .@OMJennyG How would you feel if a guy gave you really expensive presents like cars, but it was the exact same present every time?
• RT @OMJennyG @ArielBlum I'd think he was a cheap bastard who had access to the Repertroire.

July 4

• K'chua!
• All my canned food has been moved to little zip-lock bags. This is a problem I've never had before.

July 5

• Somewhat apprehensive about the anthropological report Curic's going to write about her trip here yesterday/today.
• Who's up for a picnic where we use up all the cans Curic opened yesterday? #nobody

July 6

• Next bro who asks me to set up torrents on his Xbox is going to get a fun surprise in his hosts file.
• Taking a new game system out of the crate: Simulates High-Def False Daylight.
• "Things I Can Only Tell You At Night" First #FalseDaylight game I tried. Spy on people to learn their secrets, then... what? Nothing, AFAICT
• #FalseDaylight is a clone of the #BrainEmbryo, so many games are ports. "Gatekeeper" -> "Her Task Incomplete Forever"

July 7

• #cdboegoacc (auto-)translated into English! http://torre.nz/30154158 #takethedayoff
• Just gonna SWIM in this fucking data for a while. #cdboegoacc
• One of the old-time #cdboegoacc maintainers really liked the phrase "The one that started the craze." Like, nuff said.
• "Make things perfectly flat. The one that started the craze."
• "Deface artworks with acid and two chisels. The one that started the craze."
• "Ruin social gatherings and religious functions with inappropriate aerial messages. The one that started the craze."
• "How much of different animals' bodies can you eat before the animal dies? The one that started the craze."
• Hopefully these "crazes" were limited to copycat games, and did not involve real live animal-eating and art-defacing.

July 8

• Finally finished all those canned beans. #themagicalfruit
• "Ruins Deluxe": Two-phase game. Build a fake ancient-civilization city, then sell souvenir crap to tourists who think the site is real.

July 9

• "Only for use while in the death-trance. Does not include hardware for invoking the death-trance." They always get you on peripherals!
• I am the catch of the day!
• I cannot find my nice bracelet.
• FYI, @StarmanJones1991 is ripping off the data I brought to the world and presenting it as his own. #achievementunlocked

July 10

• Esteban says humans will read this. Hello!
• Man, some of these #FalseDaylight games are late-night.
• "What They Say About Nanawan Boys". Apparently Nanawan boys like to give each other blowjobs.
• .@OMJennyG I dunno, they're blocky polygon Aliens. Are you into that? RT @ArielBlum Is it hot? Can you take video?
• When in Ring City, visit the Ip Shkoy Replica Village in Alien Ring. Tetsuo Milk, proprietor.

July 11

• Not liking this "Paradise Sent Perfect Leader" person from Stranger civilization 751 mya #cdboegoacc.
• "81 players simultaneously sing praises of Paradise Sent Perfect Leader, powering a looping diorama of bis heroics." #fuckyou #douchebag
• #cdboegoacc maintainers agree. "This game is evil and should never be played again."
• .@OMJennyG Yeah, G-d forbid you destroy a fucking dictator's egoist video games. Just give them really bad reviews.
• it is - it's - they are - they're - he is

July 12

• English has too many emotions, or it has not enough punctuation marks.
• .@OMJennyG Hypothetical: if you wore a lot of clothes that didn't match, how would your boyfriend react?
• .@OMJennyG HYPOTHETICAL. RT @ArielBlum Wait, I have a boyfriend? Clothes have to match other clothes?

July 13

• You can combine punctuation marks to achieve more emotions. ^_^ :) :|
• "Without You I'm Nothing? Let's Find Out!" Ominous sounding #FalseDaylight title is just a nice game about collecting antiques.
• With Ashley I translated sex into English, and he abruptly discontinued the sex act. I find it unfortunate!

July 14

• Make That Sale Ehmeyur! "Restored to popularity 306 years later when the hapless saleswoman Ehmeyur became a folk hero." #ganbare
• If someone else wants to port games to modern systems, "Opu-Up" (#FalseDaylight) would be a good choice.
• While you're at it, you can ROM-hack "KRN KU KRO KX" (#BrainEmbryo) to get rid of the swastikas.
• I perhaps should have waited to learn English.
• If you use a matter shifter once, people will forever ask you to shift things for them. I find it annoying.

July 15

• Has there been *no* progress made in open-source graphics engines in the past three years? Was everyone else making pony games too?
• It is revealed I left my nice bracelet on Luna! I thank Ευτέρπη Οξυδερκής for its rediscovery!
• "Lek Stalker": "Accuracy counts in this educational game where you locate the alpha mate in a field of similar mates." #ratedeforeveryone
• Not thrilled with the way Curic's anthropological report implies my way of life is dying out, as though I were a fur trapper, or the Amish.
• Curic says he can arrange for me to meet a human. I believe I will decline the offer! Actually, I am kidding.
• Perhaps the human will bring up a cassette tape or an elaborate clock. It is fun to speculate.
• Curic just made a bizarre request for a cassette tape. Is she doing a a scavenger hunt?

July 16

• The hero attempts to reject the quest.

July 17

• Ashley is afraid of meeting the human. "I'm not afraid!" he says. Ie. his fear is a secret! Be quiet!
• he him his he's - she her hers she's - sie hir hirs sie's - ke kem kes ke's - ki kim kis ki's - vie vir vis vie's - be bin bis be's - nae nu
• Surprise! I'm leaving for Ring City in an hour! I couldn't tell you earlier for bullshit security reasons! SPACE LIVEBLOGGING coming up.
• ON THE FUCKING MOON 4sq.com/LPYIq
• It doesn't look like I have a shot at being the mayor of the moon.
• Pix at http://☃.me/5UtMN RT OMJennyG @ArielBlum !!!! pix or it didn't happen

July 17

• Hot!
• The Ip Shkoy Replica Village in Alien Ring welcomes its first human visitor! Tetsuo Milk, proprietor.
• I walked on the moon and now I'm playing video games with a space alien. 11-year-old me can die happy.
• The human seems like a nice guy.
• .@Tetsuo_Milk Are you the person I'm three feet away from right now?
• Yes, about three feet. Hello, Ariel.
• @ArielBlum It goes like this?
• Ev luie Aka says: Winners don't use drugs.
• I don't buy any of the existing theories as to why we can't have nice things. But apparently it's true, we can't. #HumanRing

July 18

• Human Ring accommodations: insanely bad. Matter-shifted coffee: surprisingly okay.
• Ashley has not heard of any sexual position in the Two Otkern family (Winter, Vernal Equinox, and etc.) "You led a sheltered life," I said.
• "All editions of this computer were destroyed and it is known only from wall carvings and one set of programming notes."
• Posting that #cdboegoacc quote because @Tetsuo_Milk has reproduced and shown me the fucking wall carvings. #hardwaresaturday
• Amazed at the advanced techniques the Ip Shkoy developed to rip each other off. Truly, a wise people.
• "The Augmentor infamously claimed to contain 3 superluminal processors. It really contains two normal processors that don't communicate."
• Well, back to the fucking Motel 6. At least I've got a pillow from the replica apartment.
• Update: No I don't. Take the pillow out of Alien Ring and it starts smelling bad.

July 19

• In an awkward moment during sexual congress it's always a relief to hear "Don't apologize, I liked that."
• .@Tetsuo_Milk Have you met @Bai_8D? You can be TMI buddies.
• "The Slurp Chip" for #FalseDaylight: a software-piracy device that dumps the entire state of memory onto removeable media. #want
• Good job, guys, we got a lot done this morning. Let's break for tubes of flavored paste.
• It's a good thing @Tetsuo_Milk thinks puking is funny, 'cause it's gonna be happening a lot. #microgravity
• I have a suppose that Curic introduced @ArielBlum to me so that she would not have to take care of him anymore.
• Doing a surprisingly good job of not fucking this up. #fingerscrossed
• "Boys will be boys." But everything will be everything.
• Today I saw a magentic monopole. Not as exciting as you'd think!

July 20

• Pillow GET! I put a shirt into the Repertoire and made 25 copies. Then I put the pile into the Repertoire as "ghetto pillow". #yourewelcome
• According to this flyer, I'm to fight @Tetsuo_Milk in hand-to-hand combat at local noon. #notreally #mom #readthehashtagsbeforeyoucall
• Due to large demand the Ip Shkoy Replica Village has expanded to include a partial replica of The Great Hall Of The People And Also Science.

July 21

• "Applications are processed based on... ability to acquire information from, and form relationships with, Constellation citizens."
• Gravity: surprisingly useful! Ask for it by name.

July 22

• There's a slight possibility that I'm in love. DO NOT HOLD INTERVENTION.
• .@Bai_8D Magic TMI Ball sez: None Of Your Business #brotervention
• .@Bai_8D Let's just say that the astronaut corps has certain physical fitness requirements.
• .@Bai_8D Yeah, it's some kinda -tastic, buddy.
• The secret to empathy is to care about peoples' stupid problems. The more stupid they are, the more you must care!

July 23

• Quitting "*" at the halfway point because the control scheme is threatening my friendship with @Tetsuo_Milk.
• .@ArielBlum Please do not use such excuses to justify your inferior gameplay. We are quitting in order to play other games on our schedule.
• Every night I find my apartment out of 30 million identical apartments. It's a 1980s copy protection puzzle, and I don't have the manual.

July 24

• .@OMJennyG bringing back some nonfunctional micro-replicas of archaic spaceships for Eduardo. Emphasis on NONFUNCTIONAL. #customs
• .@OMJennyG If his aunt doesn't spoil him, who will? Stretch 'em out over a year. I'm handing you Christmas present gold here!
• http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096251/ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1013753/

July 25

• .@OMJennyG If I wanted people to bikeshed my sex life I'd publish it as an IETF Internet-Draft.
• After hours of crafting in "The Long Way Around", we have a functioning windmill.
• The Af be Hui festival ends, with the windmill being devoured by wild beasts who we can't stop because we didn't make explosives. #ragequit

July 26

• .@Tetsuo_Milk gave me a souvenir bag full of Ip Shkoy era junk, including an action figure of G-d. Nothing surprises me anymore.
• On earth safe? cant talk atm

July 26

• A DARKNESS ENCOMPASSES MY SOUL. OUTSIDE IT IS ALSO DARK.
• I'll never understand why we created a whole government agency just to deliver junk mail.
• Oh, good, my _Journal of Breast Physics_ came in while I was away.
• #yeahright RT @OMJennyG Too bad you didn't come to your own party, @ArielBlum. @BizarroKate and I are drunk and making out. #withtongue
• #unsanitary RT @OMJennyG @ArielBlum Now we're both making out with Dana! #evenhotter

July 27

• Even the billion-year-old interstellar civilization buys into this global warming hoax. #welcometotexas
• I'm starting to think this whole thing is a proxy war between the Constellation and some penguins.

July 28

• #cdboegoacc will cheer me up. "During each play session, the player avenges the destruction caused by their previous session." #maybenot
• Two-player game night at OMJennyG's: the Tactical Nuclear Exchange saga continues, this time with the "nuclear zombie" expansion. #TNE

July 29

• #TNE update: you're all dead and it's Comrade Jenny's fault. Percentage of games completed without killing everybody: down to 30%.
• Instead of a Charlene Siph charm offensive, what we need is Constellation-human buddy cop movies. #toooldforthisshit

July 30

• Today planning to just flail at my keyboard like they do in movies, and a game will come out.
• oi'jthojitghop5g4kopgtrl;,dfv so productive!

August 1

• "*" ripoffs: "Ime Ime", "When You Awake", "Product 14". Steal the shared-body-control mechanic, miss the point of the game. #cdboegoacc

August 2

• Back on Earth for a week, still having death-in-space nightmares.
• Sayable Spice, don't Sprayable Spice. #motto #rejected

August 3

• .@OMJennyG Beacon reboots their comics every three years. What's the big deal? Do you want them to pretend the Constellation never arrived?
• OK, that's fucked up, I'm anti. RT @OMJennyG @ArielBlum I'm a teeny bit peeved they gave Skewer Sue a basketball boobjob.
• Back when we could talk to each other, Curic told me: "Sentience is the capability for boredom." #feelingprettysentient

August 4

• #cdboegoacc "The Game With No Point". I'm sold!
• Actual #FalseDaylight game title: 'You "Why" I "What"'. You what? #lostintranslation #vaudeville

August 5

• Can you even buy D batteries anymore?

August 9

• Basic game architecture bullshit is now complete. On to advanced bullshit.

August 10

• "We data-mined Constellation blueprints to create the ultimate SWEET ASS BONG, DOOD."

August 14

• Crispy Duck Games needs a round of venture capital! The funding mechanism will be Texas Hold 'Em, my place, 7PM.

August 16

• BEA office has same crappy pencils they give you during the ASVAB. Protip for today's kids: swallow your pride and flunk that stupid test.
• Time to take this sprite framework to school. Enrolling it in Quality University... summa cum laude. #didntthinkthisonethrough

August 17

• Getting into the groove of my placeholder fantasy RPG plot. Maybe I'll release that and not bother to translate Sayable Spice at all.
• Traverse the Realm of Bullshit to reunite Eldehar's Wingnut with the Quarter-Inch Screw of Semipotence... is someone writing this shit down?
• Reminder to miniatures gamers: @OMJennyG, arms merchant, will sculpt+paint custom pieces for fantasy/SF games. No weirdos, no real wars.

August 18

• Hello, this is Sujita, one of Tetsuo's contacts. Tetsuo wants me to tell everyone that he's doing fine and he'll be back online ASAP.

August 21

• It's kind of horrifying that flavors correspond directly to specific chemicals. I may never eat again.
• Update: I ate a burek.

August 22

• My food-themed placeholder RPG plot is even better than my fantasy-themed placeholder RPG plot!

August 23

• We've finally hired our Edink translator. Goodbye placeholder RPG plots, hello inferior but authentic RPG plot.

August 24

• A secret fact: It is trivial to escape this primitive "Internet blockout". However, I voluntarily comply due to social conventions.

August 25

• .@OMJennyG Happy birthday! You and I are going to Rerun at 4:30 for games and booze.
• .@OMJennyG I told the owner I was responsible for #cdboegoacc, and he said he'd open early for you/me and give us free-play + cocktail.
• Mission: Surprise Birthday Party. OBJECTIVE ACHIEVED. High-fives all around.
• @BizarroKate We're awesome, you're awesome, Jenny's awesome.

August 27

• BONUS GAME NIGHT tonight for Crispy Duck Games Employees. Can't get enough Tactical Nuclear Exchange. #TNE

August 28

• @OMJennyG won #TNE because I declined to reduce Earth to a cinder. Play that game once and you'll never trust the govt, or sleep at night.

August 29

• RT @NASA_RingCity View the launch of the Archimedes Martian probe: http://usa.usa/cEFiH

September 2

• ★ ★

September 2

• Hello, this is Sujita, once again. Tetsuo wants me to tell everyone that he's finalizing preparations to come to Earth.
• #fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
• Curic, are you reading this? Because FUCK YOU. JESUS.
• I'm safe at Jenny's. She made me cookies with chocolate chips and pot and walnuts.

September 3

• I need to get my anger issues under control. Drinking coffee all day will surely help.

September 4

• J: "G-d, I've become my mother!" A: "G-d, I've become me!"

September 5

• Should have made offsite backups of my porn.
• All right, 401(k), get ready for the final indignity.

September 7

• You know, with all my games gone, this could be a chance to start fresh with a new obsession. I could get really into cameras or something.

September 13

• This person from the Welcome Wagon overlay believes I cannot speak English or lift heavy objects. My English exceeds yours, chumpo!
• My letter of introduction from the Dean of UT Austin's College of Liberal Arts impresses its readers less than I had hoped.
• At last I am free to make my own way on Earth.
• I have already completed a commercial transaction! I bought a status hat.
• Oh shit!!!! This civilization is FLAT!!!
• .@Bai_8D has accepted me as a nest-brother.
• .@Bai_8D's vehicle puts me in mind of the epic travel narratives of the pre-contact Ip Shkoy. Do I dare imagine myself in these scenes?
• The atmosphere is polluted!! Why do I think it is cool to be on such a planet? It seems like a bad thought.
• It's strange to see that trees are used as purely decorative elements.
• I ought to employ the status hat only in situations where I really need the extra status.
• Everything is in English! It is good for practice.
• This civilization is amazing. You can buy ICE!
• My careless tail destroyed a scarce can! I AM VERY SORRY.
• According to Junfeng Bai, I may attend this store again tomorrow.
• The initial thrill of visiting a new planet has faded, to be replaced by MORE THRILL!!
• Unofficial slogans are painted on walls! However no one reads them.
• At UT Austin the grounds are planted with many edible plants. Forbidden to eat them, students and faculty live in constant temptation.
• I WILL WRITE LINEAR DOCUMENTS WHEN I HAVE ACHIEVED SOME RESEARCH CONCLUSIONS. YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A BORING GUY. WHERE IS MY STATUS HAT?
• I think my handshake is pretty good.
• I teach two classes this semester. 1. "Scarcity and Post-Scarcity" (my idea) 2. "Introduction to Constellation History"
• Anyone who participates in one of my classes will receive a grade designed not to affect their Grade Point Average.
• So far, my suggestions for improving living standards on this planet have not been received well. EXCELSIOR!
• I have trouble remembering all the faces I've seen so far.
• I love to don safety equipment! This is the true thrill of cosplay!

September 14

• This place is my home now, my civilization.
• ATTENTION TO FOOLS: so far there is NO evidence of native magic.
• .@Tetsuo_Milk Welcome to Earth, buddy. Do you need a social media strategist? I know about 40. They work cheap! Who knows what they do tho.
• Weather! I have missed real weather, i.e. an emergent property of a planetary ecosystem. Am I a snob to feel such emotions?
• I attend yesterday's store once again, to make restitution for the damage I caused.
• I am steering a food vessel. It is convenient!
• I speak with the management, who operates the store in strict accordance with the ideology of American style capitalism.
• The management provides an arrange of frozen foods in the name of interstellar cooperation. However, the food is no longer frozen!
• All activity in the store is recorded through cameras. However, the recordings are immediately discarded and unarchived! It is puzzling.

September 15

• RT @Bai_8D was gonna figure out a bike for tetsuo but no need, bro runs like a mfing cheetah
• The local animist religion is more common than I thought.
• .@OMJennyG Would you please wear headphones? Your German industrial music is scrambling my brain's beta waves.
• .@OMJennyG No, *you're* being passive agressive by using the Internet instead of coming into the other room.
• .@OMJennyG @ArielBlum Just kiss already, JEEZ!!!
• I am in the doghouse.

September 16

• .@ArielBlum I would greatly like to experience a Surprise Birthday Party similar to that described by @OMJennyG.
• .@Tetsuo_Milk OK, when's your birthday?
• .@ArielBlum My birthday in what inertial reference frame?
• .@Tetsuo_Milk Let's call it November 11. Nothing happens in early November.
• My class will be too short! "Introduction To Constellation History" is given the same time as "The 17th-Century Novel"! What to do????!

September 17

• Brilhantes 5 hits the US today! Even more exciting: I don't have to care anymore!
• I did not need to bring so many clothes to Earth.
• .@OMJennyG More like Your Qui-ass-ent Achievement amirite
• .@OMJennyG I had to take that joke to Twitter to make sure you'd receive it. #zing
• I will visit a store that sells historical books!
• .@Tetsuo_Milk, G-d's gift to used bookstores, buys the outdated crap you were going to throw out. Available upon request.
• Now I own "Microsoft Word 2009 For The Professional Writer" "Learn Canon Law In 24 Hours" "Recoil Official Strategy Guide" and etc.
• Rooster sauce is not made from roosters. It is confusing, but fortunate.

September 18

• Tonight a UTA faculty #party. My extensive social experiments will make me the toast of the time!
• I meant "experience", not "experiments". It is embarassment.
• .@OMJennyG I wasn't "hiding" Josh, I've known him since 2012. I played him some Bloodpool recently and he went gothpunk. (You're welcome.)
• Some people are surprised that scarcity on Earth is not randomly distributed. Such people should have studied the Ip Shkoy and similars!
• My colleagues think I care about many issues for which I have no preference.
• At the #party I met Dr. Mirjana Wist. A superb fuck and an insightful biologist.
• .@Bai_8D Dr. Wist is not 'easy'. I am 'easy'.

September 19

• At the #party I learned two or more drinks mixed together makes a cocktail. Each cocktail recipe has its own name. #cocktail
• "OOOrrraaannngggeee" = liquid orange juice + frozen orange juice + hot sauce. Serve with a carrot. #cocktail
• If you invent a cocktail you may name it after yourself. "The Tetsuo Milk" = extra virgin olive oil + two-percent milk #cocktail
• .@Bai_8D says that a cocktail must contain alcohol. "The Real Tetsuo Milk" = vodka + extra virgin olive oil + two-percent milk #cocktail
• "Fuck Plastic" = beaujolais + tomato sauce + rose water. #cocktail
• "Deadly Delight" = rum + ammonia. Serve with cinnamon stick. Not for humans! #cocktail
• "Cookie Cocktail" = kahlua + applesauce + oatmeal. This is easy! #cocktail
• "Sexy Mistake" = peach schnapps + grenadine + granola + activated charcoal. Drink from blender. #cocktail
• Cocktail research has ended for today. Soon I will attend a train with @ArielBlum.
• .@Bai_8D It might be easier to just buy a new kitchen.

September 20

• There was a class struggle and I missed it?!?!
• Sadly, none of the childhood stuff I left at my parents' house has dramatically increased in value in the past twenty years.
• Rebuilding my retrogaming collection, starting with a glitchy Blizzard Lizard cart and the corpse of a Tamagotchi. #inauspicious
• .@OMJennyG Do you want any of the following: antique lamp, Erector set, CRT monitor, mostly empty photo album, weird dinosaur card game...
• .@OMJennyG ...clothes that won't fit either of us, Dana Light poster, wooden "treasure chest" (treasure sold separately), light-up globe...
• .@OMJennyG ...blank CDRs, nice quilt, dumb comics from early 00s (Raph won't miss them), plush orca, plush puppet sea monster?
• .@Bai_8D The poster's all yours.
• I own more antiques!

September 21

• Anyone who participates in my classes will receive a grade that will not affect their Grade Point Average.
• .@OMJennyG Please never say "catboy butt plug" again.
• .@OMJennyG "Does this look big in my butt?"
• I will never forget this time. Here the future is coming into being.
• I have constructed a rhetorical framework for announcing ten Constellation contact missions in twenty hours. My students will be stunned!
• .@Tetsuo_Milk They were stunned, I'll give you that.

September 23

• We are watching movies.

September 22

• I have never talked to so many humans before! It is busy.
• "Tree Novel". *-inspired social sim in which every day you wake up as a different character. #cdboegoacc
• The correct name of the game is "Cma Novel."
• Give it up, dude.

September 25

• What rhymes with "Ashley?" #iaskeverybody
• pretty much just "rashly"
• I wrote a poem in English. "Perhaps I speak brashly / But I confess rashly / I love you, Ashley"
• You might want to look into making up new words. #fastly
• There is already an English poem about Daisy, so I reused that one.

September 26

• Roses are red, violets are blue, violets are blue, roses are red.

September 27

• .@Tetsuo_Milk If @OMJennyG makes you a Pokemon costume for UTAkucon, will you wear it? That way she and I can go as trainers.
• .@ArielBlum I would prefer to wear the costume of a third Pokemon trainer.
• I think we can do that. CC @OMJennyG RT @Tetsuo_Milk I would prefer to wear the costume of a third Pokemon trainer.

September 28

• "The hand is quicker than the eye." Generally this is untrue.
• Certain places on Earth I may not visit without an escort from the Hierarchy Interface overlay. But should I JOIN Hierarchy Interface...?
• It seems that Hierarchy Interface has different operation styles from other overlays. I WILL NOT JOIN!

September 29

• .@OMJennyG "All υ-Sane Chesslike Games End In Draw Under Perfect Play" http://☃.me/oujSd :|

September 30

• Goodbye, @OMJennyG's couch. You were nicer than my new apartment, despite being just a fucking couch.

October 1

• I have lost The Game!
• I am allowing cherry flavored agar-agar to solidify in my mouth. It is excitment!
• I have lost The Game!
• I have lost The Game!
• .@Tetsuo_Milk Stop it.

October 2

• .@OMJennyG Oops, sea monster is mine, packed w/the old clothes. I'll pick her up once my move is sorted out. No hurry.
• .@OMJennyG Her name is Sally O'Sally.

October 3

• Today I will visit a store that sells historical items! Not only books!
• Hitting the thrift stores with @Tetsuo_Milk to restock my wardrobe.
• Someone must have just died--treasure trove of now-ironic T-shirts from the 90s.
• "Permian Medical Group: 20 years of effectiveness" #300millionyearsofeffectiveness
• "RKA Microbial Cultures: The Breeds You Need!"
• .@Tetsuo_Milk thinks the basic alligator shirt is hilarious for some reason.
• "1999 Arizona Mozart Festival" Sounds boring!
• "You're a great fit... with vente.com!" #whatever #dotcomboom
• "Isn't it time you made a difference?" #no
• "LOOK TWICE/IT'S GREENWOOD DOUBLE DAYS/IT'S GREENWOOD DOUBLE DAYS" #ithinkyouaresayingitisgreenwooddoubledays
• @OMJennyG I thought you'd say that--picked up the RKA Microbial shirt just for you.
• Oh yeah, I also bought some clothes for myself.
• NOW I OWN HISTORICAL CUPS!
• I educate @Tetsuo_Milk about the things you should never buy at thrift store: underwear, socks, food, post-Dreamcast games (always broken)

October 6

• .@OMJennyG OK, lemme just run that idea past the fuckin' homeowners association here.
• The Hierarchy Interface says I cannot visit @ArielBlum unescorted as he lives in a bad neighborhood. But all neighborhoods are bad!
• Purchtrin words for infrared/ultraviolet colors (from @Tetsuo_Milk): "atye" "perl" (yes), "echp"

October 8

• I will embed in a subculture.
• Damn, it's the fucking yiffpocalypse here. #utakucon #fursuitofhappiness
• Creep in Squirtle costume wanted @OMJennyG to "train" him. Kicked out of con. #creep
• I threatened a human!! Dominance display is a cross-species communicable disease, and I am infected! Watch out!!
• .@Tetsuo_Milk Saying "I will coerce you!" is not itself a threat.
• CGI Aliens in "Outta Space" trailer are so bad they're still bad. Why not hire some Alien actors? Because none would be in your dumb movie?
• Cosplay contest! Senseless J-pop! We lose!

October 9

• No cosplay today. Rebuilding my game collection in the dealer room, using @Tetsuo_Milk's charm to scam free stuff.
• Actually, no, life is too short. Today: looking at cool things with a friend. #stillnocosplay
• Star Wars on VHS commanding a hefty premium.
• UTAkuCon is like borrowing things from everyone! #utakucon #borrowing
• My custom-fabricated controllers are compatible with original hardware! Please allow their use! My forehands are large!
• Tetsuo was talking to an Alien woman from Hierarchy Interface, and then they suddenly disappeared. #suspicious

October 10

• This worthless insurance company is dribbling out my fire money, like an allowance. I'm an adult! With an insurance policy!
• I now understood what has been uncomfortable to live on this planet. Sound travels too quickly!
• When I see animal meat in a store I-in-myself am being cut up and eaten. It is disturbing.
• Thanks, confirmation bias!

October 11

• .@OMJennyG I'll pick up Sally when I get to it. Stop being so pushy!! #!!!
• You'll Only See Kis Echo! is an expert on guilt and is trying to instill it in me. Ki will fail!
• If all you have is a flint knapper, I will not point and laugh. But you need to use the flint knapper to build a better tool! #contact

October 12

• I visited "unsafe" areas of Austin without a Hierarchy Interface escort and I am fine.

October 13

• Here goes nothing.

Chapter 30: Constellation 'Shipping

October 14

• Bless This Mess.
• General rule: if I didn't talk to you before the move, I'm not talking to you now.
• .@OMJennyG I really wish you'd taken my hint and kept Sally. #:(

October 15

• I've put a real pillow in the repertoire. Look under !!!AAAA GENUINE PILLOW W COTTON CASE BEST SLEEPING VALUE!!!
• At last, I'm reunited with those fucking canned beans Curic scanned in July. #beans #morefuckingbeans #fromacan

October 17

• ★

October 19

• Herpty derpity doo.
• Caipirinha, take me away.

October 23

• Went up to visit the site of first contact. It's abandoned and empty, just like the docking bays.
• I am very tired of the Hierarchy Interface arrogating my freedom of movement.
• I meant "abrograting."
• I think I truly meant "arrogating." It is confusion.

October 24

• With comic books you can buy the same story from three different publishing companies. It is capitalism.
• Sometimes I like to stick my head through the port to Alien Ring and take a whiff of nitrous. #winnersdontusedrugs
• I have joined the Art Abundance overlay & will spend certain nights abounding at a storage building owned by the Austin Museum of Art.

October 28

• The time has come to mess with Texas.
• Bored of Hierarchy Interface travel restrictions? Now there is EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN TOURS. Tetsuo Milk and Jennifer Gallegos, proprietors.
• Newly on Earth? EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN gives you secret information otherwise available only as abstractions. "See how most humans live!"
• .@Bai_8D Depressurize your mouth, dude.

October 29

• EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN unites for its first tour tonight. We will tour a secret location! Ask Outernet for meeting details.
• RT @OMJennyG #EverythingInAustin is not approved by the Hierarchy Interface overlay. Skeptical? Try us once and experience the difference!
• This message reminds that the Hierarchy Interface overlay does not allow open membership and has no legitimate power over non-members!
• RT @OMJennyG Thanks to the 6 individuals who came out tonight for a taste of #EverythingInAustin. Stay tuned for our next excursion!
• EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN TOURS has toured a private home! We will reenact in a few days! "The tour that defends your freedom of movement."

October 31

• Tonight EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN tours a costume party! Inferior masks will be provided for those who bring no costume.
• For this tour your "RSVP" is a necessity. (Look it up!)
• Garbage day!
• I am wearing a wig. It is humor.

November 1

• Attn Raw Materials overlay: please remove all feces of any kind from an item before showing it to me.

November 2

• I spend all day in hard vacuum, but I'm afraid to trust my spacesuit to keep me safe in boiling water.

November 3

• Sometimes humans live outdoors in areas of high scarcity. Today, EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN visits these humans!
• Every G-Soft in the US junked their Nintendo M82 demo unit in June 1992, so I can get unlimited quantities for resale! #slightlyfossilized
• This message reminds all EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN tourists to remain unjudgemental, even if it fucking kills them.

November 4

• 1980s Playboys, take me back to a time when women had pubic hair. #catchoftheday

November 5

• Oh shit we found a HUMAN BODY in the 1982 Columbus strata. Sending it back to Earth for identification.

November 6

• Wow, I think we can close the book on the "10k Triple Point Virtual Boy carts buried in Nevada" urban legend! #catchoftheday #sealedinbox
• You can't fuck the crazy out of someone. G-d knows I've tried.

November 7

• Tonight, EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN goes underwater for a river tour! If you would wear an environment suit, you must bring your own!
• Now starting in on Austin's own Fred Durst Garbage Dump. Looking forward to recovering stuff I threw away in college.

November 8

• Someone filled an arcade machine with cement before dumping it. Why??? #catchoftheday #notkeepingthisone
• Amazingly, we were able to recover a physics lab notebook with my name on it from the 2006 Austin strata. #biodegradable #myass

November 10

• Home Budget Planner for Game Boy, tragically bisected by core sampler. #catchoftheday
• Game night tonight in the Eritrean community! It's soccer! #football #dammit
• I am too cold and too slow.

November 11

• @Tetsuo_Milk Happy fake birthday, dude.

November 12

• It's actually not uncommon to find human bodies in these excavations, so I haven't been mentioning every single one. #ihatehumanity

November 13

• How were your students socialized? All UTA faculty are invited to enact an EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN tour of local child-schools.
• Our tour of Austin child-schools is now co-sponsored by the Hierarchy Interface overlay! Now, even milquetoast cowards may attend!
• RT @OMJennyG Next time you feel the need to insult our customers, pls just step back and let me handle it
• RT @OMJennyG That was supposed to be a private message
• RT @OMJennyG FINE, JESUS
• RT @OMJennyG Joining forces with the Hierarchy Interface overlay for a tour of Austin's schools. Hopefully the first of many collaborations!

November 14

• I went to outer space and I still can't escape those fucking Banksy murals.
• On the morrow @Bai_8D will help EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN visit a factory of MRC Energy Solutions. See human industry in action!
• Can someone recommend a good introductory ecology textbook? 1:1 time with an ecologist would be better.

November 15

• A reminder that EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN visits MRC ENERGY Solutions today. There, wind turbines are manufactured!
• We are asked questions about the design of engines, but we have no knowledge to answer. It is embarassment.
• We agree they are probably good wind turbines.

November 17

• As my Thanksgiving gift to the universe I'm going to recreate dad's spaetzel and put it in the repertoire.
• Well, I got something, but I'm not putting dad's name on it for all eternity. ANONYMOUS SPAETZEL.
• Tonight I will pose au naturel for an art drawing class. Supposedly it is not a sexy occasion. We shall see!

November 18

• Now is the return of Tetsuo's Cocktails: Freezer Edition! #cocktail
• "Thin Ice" pineapple juice, vodka, agar-agar. Freeze it and lick it. #cocktail
• I don't think that deserves a special "freezer edition"
• Money does not talk.

November 22

• I visited a celebration of the local animist religion. They don't have many anthropologists visit.
• After public debate the religious officers decided not to accept a tour for EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN at their next celebration.
• .@OMJennyG I adhere to the Ip Shkoy religious tradition, which holds that God died in an accident 193 years ago.
• .@OMJennyG Which calendar doen't matter. The event occured outside of time, so it was always 193 years ago.
• .@OMJennyG What happened is unclear. God said there was a problem with the sky's emnen, and she would die in an accident trying to fix it.
• After that she died. Emnen can mean "arrangement" or "exchange rate into something else". Neither interpretation gives insight.
• .@OMJennyG Also unclear is if she fixed the problem. Religion is #mystery!
• .@OMJennyG I am serious.

November 25

• Today EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN exhibits a tour of the fission generator at Merit Point, guided by its technicians.
• RT @OMJennyG #EverythingInAustin looking forward to another friendly joint event with the Hierarchy Interface overlay.
• RT @OMJennyG A reminder that, by general consent, memetic amplifiers should not be employed during #EverythingInAustin tours.

November 27

• On all Fridays, EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN enacts DUMPSTER DIVING NIGHTS. @OMJennyG is our expert native guide. "The tour where you rescue trash!"
• RT @OMJennyG Farang, Gaijin males, and other small individuals especially encouraged to attend #EverythingInAustin's exciting dumpster dives

November 28

• DUMPSTER DIVING NIGHTS has rescued notable trash like 3 grams palladium and 53 non-vegan donuts. "The tour where you see broken things."
• So long as sexy women from the Hierarchy Interface visit to stop me from operating EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN, I will continue to seduce them!

November 29

• You requested it! Now on all Mondays after noon, @OMJennyG will enact a tour of Austin shops. YOU MUST BRING YOUR OWN MONEY.

November 30

• RT @OMJennyG Local businesses give big thanks for showing your support, #EverythingInAustin

December 1

• EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN overlay now spreads to Mumbai, Seattle, and Cape Town. Ask Outernet for some details. "The tour where you might die."
• I like giving computers to kids.

December 3

• I am asked to teach three classes next quarter in the belief that this will make me too busy for EVERYTHING IN AUSTIN. It is erroneous!

December 4

• In tonight's DUMPSTER DIVING NIGHT, we will pay you for the trash you rescue. Do labor for money! Unbelievable experience!

December 12

• One day I will tell my children "I helped make this happen."

December 28

• Hey, watch this.